Well where to even start... Things have changed so much- it's bonkers to think of how different my life is. As always this blog has been neglected again, I would say I am going to change this (and I hope I do!!) but I always say this and I've definitely learnt that I need to be kinder to myself and put less pressure on myself. I want my blog to be more personal, as I want it to represent me authentically- hence the new branding but also I think this will help me with posting as in my brain my blog feels super formal and it becomes such a demand to do!! We shall see what happens- but let’s catch up, where have I been and what have I been doing?
So I have finished my Foundation in Musical Theatre at Mountview in Manchester :). What an experience- very much a rollercoaster of a journey, many highs and even more lows however I have met some of the most amazing and best people who have truly changed my life. Even through the difficult times and some traumatic events- this course has been such a catalyst for change. Without doing this my life would look so different. It was a big jump to decide to start this course and quite a last minute decision, but it truly has been the best decision I have ever made. The Hannah who started Mountview and the Hannah who left couldn't be more different. For me this course was so much more than musical theatre training, it has allowed me to show myself who I can be, and allowed me to begin rebuilding trust within other people.
While on this course I did start my ADHD medication which again has truly changed my life- and probably also saved it. When people said starting ADHD meds is life changing I must admit I was incredibly sceptical. As a pessimistic person who has very little faith in the mental health system I didn't expect much but I was so very wrong. I might do a blog on my ADHD medication story as it was a journey and I couldn't find enough about people’s day to day journey before I started and that would have defo helped me. I also got diagnosed with C-PTSD which was a lot I am not going to lie but again, it’s part of the journey to truly understanding how my brain works. It’s hard and currently I don't want to engage in any trauma therapy as it requires a lot of stability in the rest of your life which I don't have. So currently trying to manage on my own which is going okay. The whole change thing is getting to me a lot and I am definitely feeling quite up and down and very much discombobulated! I have to keep reminding myself that this feeling will pass and I will be okay.
In other news I am singing my first ever solo!!!!!! At the Splinters 'More than Words' concert in June which I am super excited about. I had a vocal coaching session on Tuesday with my teacher from Mountview and she truly does work miracles!! Galloway Vocals is defo worth checking out if you want some vocal coaching- super expensive as are all music lessons but amazingly worthwhile and we also had a catch up which was nice and reassuring to talk about the ups and downs of life. I have been busy working on my socials, linkedin etc- it's very much a slow process but we are getting there. I went to the first ever "Festival of Autistic Joy" and won an hour with a digital agency so got some amazing tips and ideas from BeBeau Creatives- just got to find time to put them into practice!! I have started some more training including two level 1's- one being an introduction to counselling and the other as a peer supporter. I am just starting my course with Circl as a Future Leader which is super exciting and I am also about to begin my Level 3 Expert by Experience course which means I will be able to deliver 1-1 peer support sessions through Storiboard. I have been lucky to be part of Talk Twenties new pilot and filming a podcast for The Mighty Creatives- the Mighty Voices podcast all about EDI and autism acceptance month (check it out on spotify, youtube or the website). I have got some exciting projects coming up and some new roles with a variety of charities which I am really grateful and excited for.
I am back at the school helping with Woodland learning and also 'directing' the EYFS/Year 1 Showcase which I absolutely love. It is such an escapism for me and lots of fun!! Who knew you could have Old Macdonald, the Headteacher, Little Red Riding Hood and the Three Little Pigs in the Gingerbread Man- not to mention it’s actually a Gingerbread Girl - FEMINISM FOR THE WIN!!
I am enjoying works in the countryside with Teddy and getting to travel around and see new cities. I really want to plan a little camping trip with some friends around my birthday (if you are reading this- we need to hurry up and get planning!!!!). It’s bonkers to even contemplate this and I am so grateful for finding people who embrace me and want to be my friend- it's quite a crazy concept to me!!.
Everything does all feel a bit out of control at the moment and at times I definitely feel like I am fighting the world. Completely relating to the whole existential crisis/depression. But to combat this I am trying to find time to do more of my creativity- I am singing more which I love, playing my instruments and I am going to also start the violin (I want to do the cello but I can't afford it :((( ). I have definitely been slacking on my bullet journal so I need to start prioritising that too. There so many things going on and so many things up in the air but I guess that is part of this transition period. Transition is hard for everybody but especially those of us who are neurodivergent and have trauma- it can be very unsettling. I think it comes back down to that idea of purpose and knowing what you are doing and why you are getting up each day. It is overwhelming but I am taking pride in the fact that now I know and can identify it. I know things are tricky and my nervous system is very dysregulated but I also know that it will pass and I will be okay. So I guess that is massive progress!! I have also come so far with my rejection sensitive dysphoria which I never believed I'd overcome. In a bizarre way this industry has really helped with this which is odd but I'll take it!! You would think the constant no's/judgement would have sent me over the edge but actually it’s helped me not take no's/rejection quite so personally- don't get me wrong, rejection is still very painful but I handle it so much better and there are even the odd time where it doesn't bother me at all- which is crazy for someone who tried to kill herself every time she perceived rejection!!
Hopefully I will get a bit more organised and start a proper schedule for my blog again. I am thinking Sundays as that should work best. We shall see if Hannah can get organised enough!! Please follow my instagram/Tiktok for more regular updates :)))). Also do let me know if there is anything specific you want me to write about- always happy to hear suggestions.
I hope everyone is being kind to themselves,
Speak soon
Hannah <333
Past few months dumpppp:
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