I am now an acting member of the National Youth Theatre! It's been such a whirlwind journey but also one which has felt like it's been in the background for a while. I auditioned two years ago but this was before I really had any idea what I was doing and I didn't even learn my monologue ( I don't think I even knew what a monolgue was!!) so unsurprisingly didn't get past first round. But in November 2023 I sent off my first round self-tapes this time having prepared and put a lot more thought and effort into it. Early 2024 I heard back that I had got to 2nd round and had my zoom audition. It went well and the lady who auditioned me was so lovely and in May I heard back that I had got in and onto Epic Stages. For those who don't know, which I didn't until this year, for NYT you go through the audition rounds and then you have to complete an intake course before becoming a member. They have a number of different types of intakes courses throughout the summer and autumn, depending on location, age etc. I got a place on Epic Stages which is a three week residential course at Rose Bruford in Sidcup. It was such an eye-opening and insightful experience and one which has made me even more excited for what the future may hold.
I was unsure going in what to expect. I had of course done my foundation at Mountview so had a bit of an idea of what 'drama school' entailed however I wasn't sure what these three weeks would look like. I was nervous as I was staying far away from home and in a place I didn't really know and also knew there was going to be a lot of people time!! Being neurodivergent, I know that I don't learn in the same way as other people and that I do have to do things differently and require accommodations. Due to my past experiences, especially recently this makes me really apprehensive as I have had quite a lot of negative experiences in this respect. We know many places pride themselves on being inclusive, yet what they really mean is everyone is welcome but once you get there you have to conform in exactly the same way as everybody else. This is of course not inclusion. But right from the beginning NYT showed and proved they are very much an inclusive and trauma informed organisation. The access meeting before I went was amazing, I felt listened to and understood. As someone who on paper can appear quite 'a lot'- I don't know how else to word it, I always fear being misunderstood, viewed as incapable and a burden, often leading me to not disclosing and then things very much going wrong. It was honestly so refreshing to be met by an organisation who wanted to work with me, who listened and who understood. I think the fact I have come so far in my journey very much helps as I am so self-aware and I am always willing to meet people at least half way. I know myself, what helps, what I need and also am able to see it from their perspective even if at the time it is really annoying! The whole experience has allowed me to begin rebuilding trust and also advocating for myself and my support needs. This is something I definitely plan on doing a whole blog about, just finding the right words to explain it!
As with everything I do, I am still me and there were plenty of challenges and little Hannah moments however their understanding and my self-awareness meant that over the three weeks I developed a good relationship with the staff. They knew me, understood me and could see through my bs :). I also in hand began to trust them, be confident to explain what I needed or why I needed to do something differently while proving with my results that I was diligent, hard working and capable. It was such a fantastic experience and it was great to meet so many different industry proffessionals and see a whole world of possibilities. I didn't realise NYT has a facilitation pathway and that is definitely something I am interested in alongside wellbeing and inclusion within the arts. As an outsider we can have a very linear and binary view of the performing world and there truly is so much more to it than acting or backstage- it was exciting to learn that others felt this way and others had careers in such a variety of paths whilst also still acting.
As Epic is for older participants (22-25) it was really nice to see the range of backgrounds and angles everyone came from. A three year BA wasn't on anyones mind or radar (not that there is anything wrong with that at all, but as someone who is more into the alternative route, it was interesting to see people who had more than one string to their bow). It also helped me feel not quite so old!! The actual course itself was very much a mixture of movement, voice, acting technique and ensemble building culminating in a final sharing for our friends and family. It was all surrounding the theme of AI and it was fascinating to see how each group brought such different vibes to their final sharing.
I also got to go see a stage reading of an NYT at the home of NYT itself on Holloway Road which was really good. It was really nice to see a show and see what sort of things NYT do. For someone who used to literally be scared of her own shadow, this was a massive step and I'm kind of proud of how well I managed and coped. While I was there I celebrated my 4 years out of hospital, a milestone which even I can't quite believe. That girl four years ago really could not have ever dreamed of the life I am living now. Don't get me wrong it's hard and I am still an anxious mess, but life really can get better. It's such a weird concept as I know at the time I would never have believed it- I truly believed that was my life forever. I know being diagnosed as autistic and ADHD were definitely massive turning points and getting on the journey of getting to know the real me. Of course there is still a lot of work to be done, but creativity truly has helped me find a purpose and a path. I mean I have gone a complete 180 degree turn from what I had planned when I was 14. My GCSE and A-Level options were all geared towards paramedicine or medicine. They were very science based and I didn't take any of the arts (except product design at GCSE but let's just say my product left a lot to be desired!!). Although I would not wish what happened to me on myself or anyone else my journey has allowed me time to come to what I want to do and the 'career' path I want to go down. Of course my path is not one to be copied but I think it is important to highlight the fact that we don't have to have it all sorted and organised at 18. We change and grow as our life experiences change us and with that we slowly find out who we are and then in turn what we want to do. Self discovery is a long road and in the classic cliche phrase it's not a destination but a journey. I still don't know exactly the 'career' I am going down but I don't think I will ever be someone who has a 'set' career- I am going down a path of possibilites and I refuse to be bound by rules and expectations. That being said I do need to start finding ways to actually get money- as that is kind of important but I hope that with time, that will come.
So yeah, NYT was such a fantastic experience and one that I am so glad I managed to do. If you are thinking about auditioning, I would say go for it, its a very special and unique opportunity that brings you a lot more than you expect! Now I am onto my next adventure and big step, moving to London! Terrifying but I am excited to see where it takes me. 4 years ago I was discharged from the psychward, 6 months ago I was formally diagnosed with C-PTSD, now I am moving to London, starting my dream course, a member of the National Youth Theatre, working with some amazing organisations and surrounded by some really special people. Cringe over, but seriously maybe thsi recovery sh*t is worth it!!
Lots of Love
Hannah xx
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